When darkening times change us for the worse ... And what we can do about it

 If the Ukraine were not enough, we're now all dealing with a new international crisis, manufactured by Hamas, and their Iranian masters, with, it turns out, weaponry obtained from North Korea. Which is a client of China. Who is a friend of Russia. Do we see a pattern here? 

Regardless, if you're Jewish, Muslim, Russian or Ukrainian right now, you're probably on edge. Enraged. In despair. Fearful. Hateful. These are all poisons. The Dalai Lama, when asked why he didn't hold a grudge against the mainland Chinese government and how he managed to hang on to his humor, quipped: "They took my land. Should I let them take my joy as well?" 

That's the seed of how we handle the crises before us. We disconnect from our obsession with the news, some of which is plain wrong. As happened with that Gaza hospital allegedly bombed by Israel, causing 500 alleged deaths. In reality it was a Hamas rocket. And there were no deaths. The BBC had to apologize for their skewed reporting of non-facts. 

Not all the news ranks equally. No one cares what happens in the Niger, or elsewhere in Africa. Half our own country willfully refuses to understand that the availability of guns is what causes the 48,830 annual gun deaths here. You read that right: 48,830. By comparison, the current death toll in the Ukraine is 14,420. I'm willing to bet you had no idea. 

That demonstrates, I think, the flawed nature of media coverage. 

And why, even when the reporting is right, and rightly frightening, we can, perhaps we must disconnect. 

And remind ourselves of the immense privilege there is in simply not living in a war zone, an experience Americans haven't had since the Civil War. Of having a home, food, potable water, AC when it's hot, heat when it's cold, a car to go shopping, a shopping center to buy stuff at. A reasonable health care system (well, not always reasonable, but better than in many places). 

Even when the reporting is true, and truly frightening, we have the ability to remember that we have our loved ones right in front of us. That we can love them and smile, even when others are suffering. It doesn't mean we forget those who suffer. It means we don't get hooked into the fear-mongering. 

Even when the news is dire, and meant to unsettle us, we can settle down. Go for a walk, a swim, a bike ride, watch some comedy (thank goodness for comedy; we're watching a darkly funny show: Wolf Like Me starring Isla Fisher at her gamine best and Josh Gad as the straight man barely handling his infatuation with a werewolf who loves to feast on organic-fleshed Italian families). 

And remain 100% compassionate towards the suffering of others. I remind myself that kindness starts with me. I don't need to go help the world when it's burning somewhere. I can begin right at home: with my spouse. I know my share of couples who can't get along, caught up as they are in their private Middle East.

I can work my way down my street with my neighbors. Gym acquaintances. People at the store. Wait staff. 

I can unhook, unwind, be kind. 

Onto the levity section of this dull peroration. 

We just came back from a delightful 2-week visit to North Carolina. I had very low expectations, being a California snoot of French descent (that's double the snobbery). Turns out NC is gorgeous. Gently rolling hills. Lush forests. Mild climate. The blue glory of the Appalachian. Chapel Hill-Raleigh-Durham is an enormously dynamic metropolis, with a top-notch museum (see movie), world-class research, great health care, bustling industry, very decent food and relatively affordable real estate. 

Asheville, by contrast, is a typically naughty Bohemian town. Well, more hipster than naughty, actually. It's home to thousands of artists, and probably has the most vibrant queer community of any town in a 500-mile radius. Extra benefit: it's nestled in the Smoky Mountains and their famous blue ridges. We were part of the hordes of leaf-peepers hoping to see the trees turn in early autumn. And turn they did. There's proof below. 

To think that most of those tree will be bare soon ... It's amazing how much biomass Nature can generate in very little time. 

Our hearts were filled as we visited with our amazing friends Amrita and Apollo in Chapel Hill, and Bea and Lori, recent Asheville-based transplants from Berkeley. Hanging with good friends is one of the great gifts of life. 

I caught all of this in pix and videos, as always. And I feel like Lisa and I are starting to open up to the possibility of not spending the rest of our days in California. 

The adventure flick: https://youtu.be/ehU_2fPoIp4

The adventure pix: https://youtu.be/ZdkDVaq5vec

Asheville street art: https://youtu.be/7Rzk7dTsNmo

Highlights of the NC Museum of Art: https://youtu.be/fOJ33p3TqQs

Enjoy, stay safe, and remember your reasons to be happy! 

Hugs, L + L